Hello Again

As you might have guessed, I have fallen into yet another deep depression. Depression really sucks. One day your life seems full of promise. The next day you feel as if the world is forcefully resting on your shoulders determined to stay there. It's been like this for weeks now and I've decided to take this into my own hands and see a psychiatrist. I scheduled an appt and am scared to death.

The thing that scares me is that I know that I need medication. I just don't know how to function anymore. I realized this about 3 years ago when I started cutting myself otherwise known as self-injury. It's scary to even talk about this but I figure you can't see my face so it’s not that bad. The last time I cut was last September. It was a big one too. I had just had an argument with my husband and felt so helpless and hopeless. Then I took the blade and cut my leg. My husband was so upset with me. He threatened many times to tell my mother and his family since he did not know how to handle it. That did not scare me. I just did not care. I still don’t.

Well, I still don’t have a job and I am still fat. I have had three interviews since I last wrote. One of which was in Long Island. Now if you live in New York City like I do, then you know that Long Island is like going to another state, but I really needed a job. Anyway, those bastards did not even call me back. The other two interviews went fairly well. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Actually, to be honest with you, and don’t be shocked, I really don’t want to work. I want to write and make movies and act. Unfortunately, I am not pretty and I don’t have “the look” for acting. But I have been trying to write a few screenplays. It’s a hard task. I have started and stopped tons of times. If anyone has any experience writing a screenplay please, please e-mail me.

Well, I am just about done eating my homemade hummus and bread so I’m off.